There is nothing you can do if you toot in an MRI tube

So had a second MRI yesterday am. Real am. Like I had to be at the Hospital at 5 fricking 30. Again though the whole washcloth, legs up, soothing music. So like 20 minutes in I seriously cracked myself up because I tooted. I could do nothing. I mean I wasn't supposed to move at all right? And I was freaking cause I couldn't really tell how horrific of a toot it was. I mean you can't blame the dog when you are the only one in the MRI tube now can you? Luckily I think I got away with it. I think. At least the tech when he came in didn't yell Good Lord what is that stench or anything. This MRI was for my whole brain and they are looking for the white lesions of doom. I am supposed to hear soon. The tech sort of freaked me out by telling me that at least two specialized radiologists will look at the MRI before they give a verdict to my doctor. Next week, I have neuro ophthalmologist visits planned and a root canal. My eye seems a little better. And all the fish oil is making my nails looks super shiny.

Greens in a can

I can't just sit here waiting for test results that's annoying so I started out with getting a diet and regime together that will help with inflammation. I am trying to figure out a cute name for my program- FYST? Food Yoga Supplements Together? That sounds too weird to me. I am not sure. Um. GYST, greens, yoga, supplements, and tired? No that's not inspirational. I need help. Ok basically, No wheat. Less Dairy. Protein very lean. LOTS OF FISH OIL. Tumeric. B vitamins, Whey protein. and my favorite SUPER GREENS IN A CAN. I also intend to do yoga way more. Just good for what ails you and since I cannot see from my right side less chance of me whacking an innocent chick in the face during Zumba. At this point my program should be called yo fish girl.

Woke up blind one sunday morning

Well I wish I were kidding but nope I woke up blind in my right eye on Sunday morning. I can see shapes and some light but contacts don't help and everything was blurry. I met with a doc within a few hours. Then was sent to an emergency MRI. They thought I might have a blood clot and was bleeding in my brain or a brain tumor. It was freaky. The MRI, which I usually hate, was actually a nice break. they wrapped me in warm towels and a soothing wash cloth across my eyes. The techs were funny and sweet. I was sent home to wait for a call, and that wait felt long. The doctor called within a few hours and said it wasn't a tumor and it wasn't blood clot but that I had probably they thought retrobulbar optic neurotitis. My Dad calls this mini-guillame barre. The optic nerve is enhanced or affected. So it has shut down. The usual treatment is nothing and the blindness can last for months. They put me on a huge amount of steroids for three days hoping to speed healing but at best I may regain my eyesight in a month. I may not, but one blurry eye isn't the thing that looms. Apparently this is highly related to MS. So I undergo several more rounds of testing because I may have MS. They will be searching for tell tale proteins that spell the possibility of being periodically ravaged by some virus gone insane. Where literally shifts in weather could rob me of my ability to walk. That is no fun to think about. The worst part actually hasn't been the bleary eyed vision but the tests. They trigger migraines. Big massive gnarly migraines. Monday and Tuesday I was out for the count all day not because I couldn't see but from the headaches. I have another MRI scheduled and visits with specialists.

That song Landslide by Stevie Nicks is in my head bringing out the drunk overly sentimental singing through tears Danny Boy inner Irishman that often lurks just bellow the surface of my otherwise fairly calm demeanor. I was singing the damn thing in the shower getting all bawled up. Practically holding a virtual beer I sang about loss and change and the landslides that bring them down. My daughters are growing older and as my four year delights in pointing out there are no more babies in this house. Not that i need sleep deprivation and boatloads of free roaming feces right now in my life but still time is..dragging. I miss my Mom right now and the ache in my side could be due to the pain of whatever illness has been kicking my ass or the ache of not having anyone here who knows how to make chicken and rice out of can of mushroom soup and overly cooked chicken breast. My Mom is ill and occasionally forgets who my daughters are who my husband is and who I am, let alone the recipe for that classic 1970's style meal. I don't feel well and like us all at that moment I want fond memories of childhood which for me include bland over cooked food with canned peas. Warm sunny days and trailing off after my brothers. Big wheels. All of which is far away.

GRrrrrr Scout Moms

I am not sure I truly understand the whole Mom dynamic. I am trying. But Mama Drama is rampant. Everywhere. I am girl scout troop leader something I am simultaneously proud of and freaked out by. It sort of sums up my whole recent life change. High heels do not go well with girl scout troop leader vests. They are polyester. I run after kindergartners and sing songs. Badly and loudly. And horrifying people murmur Oh she was born to do this. Really? This is my life's calling? I thought it was curing cancer, but you know things change and goals change and you have to re imagine your future. Anyhoo. the Moms. They fight. they bicker. they bitch. Ok um I do too. I have found myself toe to toe with a Mom over random shit I think of as "bullying" and bullying is a catastrophe. I mean it can be when it become harassment but one kid being a bitch to my kid? Yeah not so much. I shouldn't equate it to the daily horrors that some children endure. It shouldn't have the same word. But yes I yelled. I don't yell much in my life outside of polyester. I didn't yell in meetings or raise my voice to make my point. But when my kid/cub is involved I am no longer "me" I am more just shy of feral. Holding it together with claw like nails. & that's what is see in other Moms too. Well coiffed in their versions of after school casual but I am still hot gear shifting and jockeying for control. And their cubs are in the room and you are between them and their cub or their cub's needs. Otherwise reasonable people send shitty e-mails and nasty looks over ribbons and crayons. Tribes form and outsiders are shunned left to starve. I am have spent hours this week trying to calm the feral beast moms in my troop. I was so sure I had reached an uneasy truce when I get more flare ups. An e-mail lobbied with crap sent reply all, a nasty comment whispered when I am trying to read a story to 17 cub beasts. I keep trying to get the Moms to recall their inner human and I continue to try. I wonder if their is a fun patch for keeping Moms from blood letting?

peeps

I have no idea how I feel about peeps but I am obsessed with a craft I found on pinterest using them. I love marshmallows, but peeps are not truly a marshmallow. They are a tortured even more artificial random version really I guess. This really highlights how east of Boulder I am. Peeps must be outlawed in Boulder. They are sugar *ugh* artificial dyes and colors *gasp* and animal bones *yes seriously*. I will take my little balls of fluff and dye and bones and make them into exciting crafts! I will. And you will want them.

Erie is 20 minutes closer to the Midwest than Boulder

So I live about 20 minutes east of Boulder, Colorado. It is the perfect place for me and really represents the kind of person I am and my parenting approach. If you think of Boulder as the hippie capital of the world reeking of patchouli and dispenseries, where gluten is a poison and paper towels are weapons against humanity...well I am a little more towards the Midwest of that whole approach. That said I drink green sludge juice for breakfast, have organic just about everything and consider red food dye the devil.

My youngest daughter is allergic to red food dye #40. We discovered this 48 hours before Halloween when she exploded after eating a red food dye covered candy. She ended up screaming like a lunatic,hiding in a corner and had a red rash all around her mouth. Now she is obsessed with red food dye. She likes to attribute anything to red food dye. She threw a gigantic fit at the park because I wanted her to actually breathe air instead of watch scooby doo in the car, she blamed her epic meltdown on the "red gummy" she ate for breakfast. Um that was a Dr Sears vitamin, from whole foods, no red food dye. But I guess it would be nice to just blame my crankiness on something like a gummy. Can't blame her.

So yeah me. Basically a hippie living in the suburbs who doesn't use drugs and likes paper towels. I like the smell of patchouli and the look of hand made scarves with organic plant dyes.